I don’t think I would be lying if I said finding a good man is no easy feat. It’s hard out here for a single woman. You go on date after date and meet nothing but “Worrisome” Will…”Clingy” Cliff…or an “Immature” Ivan. It gets to the point where throwing in the towel and living a long lonely life with cats and carbs seems much more fitting.
Then, it happens…you meet him…or you’ve known him and your eyes are finally opened. He’s not perfect but he’s amazing even still. Your combined imperfections are what makes you a phenomenal team. His differences make up for areas you lack and vice versa. He’s your best friend, your homie, your lover, and your spider killer (because no woman deserves the task of killing those eight legged demons by herself). He is everything that you’ve ever wanted and some things you never knew you needed (most of the time…we all know men have their annoying moments 😉 ) Nonetheless you’re floating on cloud nine and nothing can bring you down.
All of a sudden you realize…You’re in this amazing relationship but NOW WHAT? You know for certain that the complete satisfaction of the “New Couple Syndrome” will eventually wear off…but how do you keep the fire alive, after the new car smell wears off?! Well…let’s discuss! I am no one’s relationship expert but I do happen to be in a great relationship, with my best friend (Shout out to him!). So I feel inclined to share what I’ve learned over the past 4 1/2 years…let’s talk about how to care for your good man. Please be mindful that these are tactics to use on a man that deserves to be cared for…not cheaters, manipulators, liars, bums, dead beats, or physically/mentally abusive men. If you have one of the above types of men you need to STOP reading this and first learn how to care for yourself! If that isn’t you, please proceed! 😀
Learn how to speak without attitude.
So before I start let me just say that GOD AINT DONE WITH ME YET…&& I have been known to have a smart mouth and at times an unwarranted attitude. Okay, so now that we’ve addressed the elephant in the room, let’s move forth, to my point…Over the years I have observed countless interactions of women addressing their men. Some who do it well and others that…well let’s just say their communication can use a lil slight work…
Now that I am in a long term relationship I understand the trials of communicating without expressing disdain (sometime it feels necessary). BUT here’s the thing…as women we tend to over obsess over fine details and at times blow things out of proportion. If you have a good man who gets it right most of the time (because NO ONE gets it right ALL DA TIME) learn to THINK before you SPEAK…I am going to say this again, listen up beautiful! Think BEFORE you speak…not after…not mid sentence…BEFORE. Sometimes, we get agitated by things that really aren’t a big deal. We decide to address it and instead of approaching the situation to resolve it, we come out the gate swinging, like Solange on a hotel elevator! But what man is really responsive and receptive to this type of interaction? Not mine! So you have to learn to choose your battles. I had to remember that for those 100 times he’s gotten it wrong, he got it right 1000. There are times where I drop the ball and he’s been there to pick up my slack, w/o complaint. Take care of your man by making sure he’s not coming home from work to hostility and complaints because he forgot to put the trash by the curb. His home should be his safe place…YOU should be his safe place. So learn how to address things without all the unnecessary foolishness…because for every gripe you give him, it’s another woman around the corner waiting to ease his pain…And idk about y’all but the only one easin’ pain around my man will be ME. MYSELF. & I.
If you love that man, feed him!
W all know what they say…”The Quickest way to a mans heart, is through his stomach.” I remember when me and Chris were a new couple around the holidays, my family would ask if I was going to fix his plate…and I’d be like: WAYMENT, WHAT?!
**Face Palm*** My girl, why so childish?! “Why not fix his plate?!” is what I wish I could say to my younger self. He deserves that…he deserves to come home from work to cooked food. Here’s the hard part though…we both work 40+ hours a week and there are times where I truly don’t have the strength to do it. I also don’t feel like 100% of house work should fall on one person…UNLESS one of them is the full time bread winner, who is taking care of all (or most) of the living expenses and the other stays home…THEN it makes sense. But since that’s not the case, we take turns. Even still…don’t be that woman that is too proud to learn how to feed you king. Don’t get me wrong…it’s great that you take a mean selfie, boo! && it’s cool that you can dress…but having all that + domestic qualities = Wife! Not side piece…not main…Wife! Which leads me to my next topic.
Y’all I am not going to lie…if there is any portion of this list I struggle with, it is this one. I have always been a bit messy but add in two full time jobs, a tornado toddler, and an exhausted mommy/daddy and it = our household! We used to work similar schedules so we could get together on Saturdays, team up, and power clean the house…Now we work opposite schedules and it is difficult (to say the least) to gather the strength to clean, when I’ve been up for work since 5 A.M and have an almost 3 year old running right behind me like…
I am so serious…mommies know the struggle! Then, when you finally get bit by the neat freak bug and go ham on the must, dust, dirt, and grime…you barely have time to pat yourself on the back…before, you look up and see…
“Sweet baby Jesus…I’m not strong enough!”
“ALL MY LIFE I HAD TO MOP!”
SO DISRESPECTFUL! But really and truly who wants to spend their life with a lazy woman? It’s not cute at all. ESPECIALLY, if you’re a stay at home mom/spouse…in which case that makes no sense at all (unless y’all have a maid…in which case I’m super jealous).Don’t get me wrong though…we are all entitled to a lazy day…week…month…whatever! The point is if you have a NON LAZY man at home that is doing his part, do YOUR PART! Help make home a SANCTUARY for the both of you. He will appreciate it…trust! (&& with that, I will be dust busting ALL. WEEKEND. LONG.)
Let Him Spend Time With His Friends.
Okay…so there are actually two things I struggle with lol. In my defense, he should be lucky I love him enough not to want to share his ole’ fat head self with the world, most of the time! But let’s be honest most (not all) women have been known to catch a bit of an attitude, when bae decides he is going to have a guys night. We have our reasons…mainly…
1.WE DON’T TRUST YOUR FRIENDS!
2. WE DON’T TRUST THESE H*E’S!
3. WE DON’T HAVE NO FRIENDS!
4. ALL OUR FRIENDS GOT KIDS/JOBS!
5. IF WE WOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WAS GOING TO MAKE PLANS WE WOULD HAVE MADE SOME TOO!
Just to name a few. BUT we get it. They need time away to do the things that would irritate us, if we were around. They need time to chill, say uneducated things, have some beer, and play 2K or whatever. Let them have it! Suggest it, even. He will appreciate it.
Slay for him!
At some point in every relationship we all get comfortable. We get busy…stop doing make up as much…sweats and messy buns become the go to…toes don’t stay polished…lotion don’t make its way to ya ankles any more…we work…we clean…we cook…but guess what?! They notice.
MAN, LISTEN…Y’all listening? Men are VISUALLLLL creatures. Please make no mistake. If you aren’t trying to look good for him there are plenty of other women out there who are. Don’t underestimate the power of visual stimulation! If he is a working man odds are he sees Kim Kardashian’s walking the streets daily. Then comes home from a long day of work and traffic to you –> in the same sweats you been wearing for the last 3 days, already washed your make up off, a black head strip on your nose, messy unwashed hair on top of your head, on the couch, eating hot Cheetos!
Y’all…WE.HAVE.TO.DO.BETTER. Don’t get it twisted…no one expects you to put on some stilletos and commence daily chores and routines like Mariah Carey in a Cribs episode.
We all know that’s not realistic! All I am saying is, if your hair is going to be messy –> MAKE IT CUTE. If you’re going to have on chillax clothing –> KEEP IT SEXY. && if you want to keep your man satisfied –> SLAY. BAE. SLAY! Name me one woman that doesn’t want her man to come home and look at her like…
DON’T WORRY. I’LL WAIT!
We all want that because the reality is male eyes do wander. But you want your man to know that he doesn’t just have a pretty face at home. He has the full package.
BEST FRIEND. SUPPORTER. SAFE HAVEN. RIDE OR DIE. BOMBSHELL.
Because let’s keep it 100…there will always be women who are beautiful…but you need to make sure that whenever he walks out that door it doesn’t matter who he encounters…NO WOMAN will embody GRACE and ELEGANCE the way you do! If he is truly your king you will be more than elated to make sure he will never find contentment like he does in your arms. No woman’s touch can match your own. THAT is how you keep your good man happy.
Every man is different and requires different things but keep this foundation.
Encourage him. Uplift him. Love him. Be Virtuous. Kind . Slow to anger. Quick to Pray. Be everything he never knew he needed.