In the last decade the dating game has changed, immensely. The rise of social media has made finding a love interest a simple swipe or button click away. && as we all know change will come with pros and cons. Apps like Tinder and Bumble have spoiled our generation, to the point where we seldom meet the old fashioned way…Facebook and Twitter have turned into relationship cyber psychiatry…and what was formerly known as courtship, has completely evolved.
So, recently I sat and thought to myself “What I would do if I ever had to get back in the dating game?” (highly unlikely because my man is A1. BUT food for thought nonetheless!)…but I sat and thought of all the awful scenario’s I might encounter, on 1st or 2nd dates. Of course I would ask the normal questions: What do you do for a living? Are you religious? If so explain...You know, the basics. With that being said I realized a key characteristic about myself that has completely changed, since the last time I was on the market…I CARE FAR LESS ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK…THEN I EVER HAVE. At this point in my life I am all about transparency, honesty, and growth. && Starting over I really feel like I’d want to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…from JUMP! That way we can decide if we should finish this promenade walk and head to dinner OR if I should hop aboard the S.S. NOPE and set sail to safety.
So here I have compiled a list of invasive questions I would ask on my first date. Utilize them at your own risk.
1. How Close Are You && Your Mother?
Are you “I buy my mother flowers once a month and stop by to take out her trash, every now and then.” close?? Or are you “Momma said Alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no tooth brush” and you believed her, close??
There is a method to my madness…and I need these answers because the relationship you have with your mother will reflect the way you treat THE woman in your life. Do you spoil her? Call her just to talk? Tell her you miss her? If so, wonderful and your answer to this first question has shown me that we can move on to the next, without delay. NOW…on the other hand if you and your mother are TOO close then we may have to end this because 1. I’m NOT am not cutting the crust off your sandwiches. 2. I don’t need her calling me at 2 A.M. to give me her recipe for salmon croquets, cause that’s her great grandma from Nola’s recipe, and this is the only way you eat them. 3. I WILL NOT COMPETE WITH YOUR MOMMA…so the whole Norman Bates thing isn’t going to fly…not on a first date, not on the second, not in a house, not with a mouse. NEVER…and the same goes for females. You can’t have your mother controlling your life and relationships. YOU. JUST. CAN’T.
2. Do You Have Kids? If so, how many kids/baby mama’s/daddy’s?
Yup! I sure did go there. I already told y’all there is no time for game play. I need to know the nitty gritty and I need to know it yesterday. Kids are a very integral part of our lives and if you have them I want to know if you take care of them. Not only that but baby mama drama is abundant in 2016 and the last thing I want is to have some psycho broad pull up on us with your three kids, yelling at me because her child support card declined, for YOUR lack of payment. NOOOPPPPPEEEE! I don’t even watch that type of reality on TV…I’m daggone sure not about to LIVE it. && to my fella’s…y’all already know you have to check the “Car Facts” when you’re in the market for a new vehicle. The same goes with women. If she has 4 bebe kids, 3 baby daddies, 2 child support checks, and a partridge in a pear tree, YOU might be next. Drop the cheddar biscuit, head for the nearest exit, and RUNNNNN!
3. Where Are You ORIGINALLY From?
This question MIGHT seem pretty basic but you can tell a lot about someone by where they are from. If you sit down to dinner and he seems a little twitchy and you ask him where he is from and he says “I’m from Mineral Wells, TX.” I’m going to be a little taken back.
Firstly, where in the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE is that?! && Secondly…NOPE, NOPE, NAH! I don’t trust it. Call me paranoid if you want to but I seen that movie and I was too afraid to watch the ending (but I know it ain’t end well for ole girl). How do I know you aren’t leather faces second cousin trying to prove yourself by bringing home some fresh TN meat? As soon as that city name come out yo MOUF I am calling my “Uber Nope” driver and pulling off in your face like.
4. Were You Born That Way?
So, this one is mainly for the men. && if this offends anyone I’m sorry but I have to be completely honest. Y’all have it soooooo hard in 2016 because it has become increasingly more difficult to tell who was actually born a woman and who has made a lifestyle change to become one. I can’t even tell anymore! THIS IS NOT A STAB AT ANY TRANSGENDER WOMAN but I told y’all previously that transparency is key and I feel like trickery is wrong on any level. So you swiping through Tinder and you see this girl…Most of y’all would DM her am I right?
Chingy’s entire career was ruined by this beautiful woman. Who was actually born a MAN. Live your life y’all…if you want to be a woman than be a woman. But don’t get out here fooling unsuspecting men and pressing charges when they decide to square up. Just wrong on so many levels. I seen a FB status from a guy who said from now on he is only dating pregnant women…I hollered from laughing because I couldn’t even be mad at him. If I were a man I’d want to see the birth certificate…baby pictures…senior yearbook photos…SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!
I am telling y’all…jot down these questions and ask them on your next first date. Get your answers boo! If you have any questions you’ve previously wished you asked on the first date, leave them in the comments section below. If I get enough I will do a part 2 with your ideas!
Please subscribe for future entertainment from myself and don’t forget to share with a friend. && Until next time…