Move On. Push Forward. Let Go.

One of the hardest things in life is learning how to effectively move on. Move on from what, you ask? Anything…anything and everything.

Throughout your life, you will be forced into uncomfortable situations where you have to give up on people, places, and things. Whether that be an ex, a job, or a city filled with bad memories. Whatever the case, learning to let go and let God can be a hard skill to master. Let’s delve right in…

Moving on. Pushing Forward. Letting go.

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Letting Go Of Grudges

I know first hand how hard it can be to let go of grudges and I still struggle with it. Men can literally get into a physical altercation and 5 minutes later shake hands and play basketball…butttt WOMEN??! Yeahhhhnah son! We can hold onto grudges for days, weeks, months, years…I’m talking about you pissed me off in Jr. High but if I see you in the nursing room halls it’s on!

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“TAKE THAT! YOU SNEAKY BOYFRIEND STEALER!”…too far? My bad.

Sometimes it’s completely petty and other times you have every reason to dislike certain people. For instance, there have been women who have tried extremely hard to paint me as someone I’m not, due to their own jealousy and/or insecurities. && for whatever reason I gave them the power to…for lack of a better term -> PISS. ME. OFF! If I seen their name, I was agitated. If they commented on a friends post, I was agitated. If someone brought them up…you guessed it, agitated! But it finally got to a point where I was over it. I was over allowing someone else’s falsified view of who I was, to even slightly control my emotions. I didn’t want to feel annoyed or vengeful when I heard their names. I didn’t want to feel anything towards them and it took a loonnngggg while before I made it there. But let me tell you something…having the ability to NOT CARE may seem trivial but it feels amazing . Mainly, because that type of person gets off on knowing they get under your skin and the best way to nip that in the bud is by taking away their only ammo. Forgive them…for you…and let that grudge fall to the waist side. Allow them to put you down and/or attack your character because with every attack on yours, they reveal the flaws in their own. Real G’s move in silence and so should you.

Letting Go of Situationships

Easier said then done, right? Been there, done that. Wrote the blog on it.

Pretty sure leaving toxic people in the dust has been a reoccurring theme in my writing. Why? Because it is a struggle that most of us encounter, throughout our lives. But we all know letting go of someone who has been a major part of your life is never easy. Never. But there is a reason why you haven’t been able to find peace with them. BECAUSE IT IS NOT THERE. You’d have an easier time locating this guy in NYC on NYE!

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Look, if you take away nothing else from this post, remember that you can’t force anything. You can’t make anyone love you the way you love them or the way you desire to be loved. I learned that the hard way. I was hard headed and poured all my energy for years into one guy who literally NEVER had the capability of giving me what I deserved. Y’all, I thought I was going to marry this boy (and I say boy because that is what you are when you play with the hearts of females for your own entertainment) But back in the day there was literally NOTHING you could say to me, to convince me that he wasn’t the one. HA! I literally chuckle out loud when I think about how sadly naïve I once was and the pointless heartache I put myself through.

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“Ohh, Ashlee! You’re just something else!”

 

Bottom line is you deserve to be first in someone’s life. Not second, not third, not a way to pass the time, or a person to fill the void. You deserve to be loved fully and without restraint and if they aren’t willing to do that for you then you need to do what?…MOVE ON! Just because you’ve told yourself it’s meant to be doesn’t mean that it is…and it also doesn’t mean that you’re going to spend your life unhappy, if you can’t have them. It just means that it’s not the right time…nor the right person. Value yourself enough to hold out for the real thing. Because as long as you decide to settle for less, that’s exactly what you will receive.

Letting Go of those Burdens

This is another thing that I have struggled with in the past. I have the tendency to carry burdens like no other…my own and others included. Imagine you have a friend that is always trying to help you…to save you from yourself…even if you don’t want to be saved…That’s me!

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And…I save things…well people…well I try…sometimes…err all the time…Whatever…Hi, I’m Ashlee!

 

Here’s the thing…I may over step my bounds at times and speak on things that are probably best left unsaid but I am loyal to the core. If I am down for you…I’m down for you…and I don’t care if that makes me look like the bad guy to whomever…I got you, even when you don’t have yourself. BUT in the process I pick up burdens…a lot of them. I have been known to stress myself out over things that are 100% out of my control. It’s like if you see a baby duck about to walk off of a cliff…everyday. You are constantly running behind that duck, day in and day out, trying to save it from the reality that lies over the edge of that cliff…so you stress yourself daily trying to save that poor little ducky, from meeting its impending doom. But mannnnn…at some point you have to wake up and realize that that you aren’t responsible for anyone’s actions but your own. Love the duck, pray for the duck, and let the daggone thing two step off that cliff! For your own sanity…LET. IT. GO! Maybe the duck will surprise you and fly or maybe the very thing that you feared will happen…the point is this –> carrying those financial, emotional, physical, burdens aren’t benefitting you or your ducky. Real love and loyalty is characterized by your ability to be what that person needs…not what you FEEL like they need. At times the best way of helping someone is letting them fail. Continuously, saving them whether it be our kids, family members, or friends IS NOT doing anything but hindering their ability to grow. Drop those burden’s please and thank you…

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Letting Go of the Past

Who hasn’t gotten hung up on their past, a time or two? Our past is the reason we are who we are but sometimes we hold onto things that can be detrimental, to our forward movement. Life changing events or the moment when it all went wrong…something that hurt us or something we thought was meant for us but didn’t end up working out, quite as we expected…all things of the past, that need to be left in the past. Why? Because it is not hurting anyone else but you. Holding onto things that are out of your control will cause you to live life in resentment. This section doesn’t have to be long or elaborated by a bunch of anecdotes and personal stories. The point is life isn’t meant to go exactly as planned…there is a higher power and His plan will trump yours every time. People will hurt you, plans will fail, and expectations will fall short…that doesn’t mean you cower down in self pity…pull yourself up and fight harder for what you want! But I guarantee it will take much longer to reach your goals if you’re carrying around the chains of your past or hiding those skeletons in your closet. Do yourself a favor…

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STAY.GOLDEN.Y’ALL

4 Invasive Questions To Ask On The First Date

In the last decade the dating game has changed, immensely. The rise of social media has made finding a love interest a simple swipe or button click away. && as we all know change will come with pros and cons.  Apps like Tinder  and Bumble have spoiled our generation, to the point where we seldom meet the old fashioned way…Facebook and Twitter have turned into relationship cyber psychiatry…and what was formerly known as courtship, has completely evolved.

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How I imagined meeting my soul mate as a kid…if it were only this easy.

 

So, recently I sat and thought to myself “What I would do if I ever had to get back in the dating game?” (highly unlikely because my man is A1. BUT food for thought nonetheless!)…but I sat and thought of all the awful scenario’s I might encounter, on 1st or 2nd dates. Of course I would ask the normal questions: What do you do for a living? Are you religious? If so explain...You know, the basics. With that being said I realized a key characteristic about myself that has completely changed, since the last time I was on the market…I CARE FAR LESS  ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK…THEN I EVER HAVE. At this point in my life I am all about transparency, honesty, and growth. && Starting over I really feel like I’d want to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…from JUMP! That way we can decide if we should finish this promenade walk and head to dinner OR if I should hop aboard the S.S. NOPE and set sail to safety.  

So here I have compiled a list of invasive questions I would ask on my first date. Utilize them at your own risk.

1. How Close Are You && Your Mother?

Are you “I buy my mother flowers once a month and stop by to take out her trash, every now and then.” close?? Or are you “Momma said Alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no tooth brush” and you believed her, close??

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“It was just a question Bobby…chill!”

There is a method to my madness…and I need these answers because the relationship you have with your mother will reflect the way you treat THE woman in your life. Do you spoil her? Call her just to talk? Tell her you miss her? If so, wonderful and your answer to this first question has shown me that we can move on to the next, without delay. NOW…on the other hand if you and your mother are TOO close then we may have to end this because 1. I’m NOT am not cutting the crust off your sandwiches. 2. I don’t need her calling me at 2 A.M. to give me her recipe for salmon croquets, cause that’s her great grandma from Nola’s recipe, and this is the only way you eat them. 3. I WILL NOT COMPETE WITH YOUR MOMMA…so the whole Norman Bates thing isn’t going to fly…not on a first date, not on the second, not in a house, not with a mouse. NEVER…and the same goes for females. You can’t have your mother controlling your life and relationships. YOU. JUST. CAN’T.

2. Do You Have Kids? If so, how many kids/baby mama’s/daddy’s?

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Dannnng! You went there didn’t you?

Yup! I sure did go there. I already told y’all there is no time for game play. I need to know the nitty gritty and I need to know it yesterday. Kids are a very integral part of our lives and if you have them I want to know if you take care of them. Not only that but baby mama drama is abundant in 2016 and the last thing I want is to have some psycho broad pull up on us with your three kids, yelling at me because her child support card declined, for YOUR lack of payment. NOOOPPPPPEEEE! I don’t even watch that type of reality on TV…I’m daggone sure not about to LIVE it. && to my fella’s…y’all already know you have to check the “Car Facts” when you’re in the market for a new vehicle. The same goes with women. If she has 4 bebe kids, 3 baby daddies, 2 child support checks, and a partridge in a pear tree, YOU might be next. Drop the cheddar biscuit, head for the nearest exit, and RUNNNNN!

3. Where Are You ORIGINALLY From?

This question MIGHT seem pretty basic but you can tell a lot about someone by where they are from. If you sit down to dinner and he seems a little twitchy and you ask him where he is from and he says “I’m from Mineral Wells, TX.” I’m going to be a little taken back.

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“Wait….where you from?”

Firstly, where in the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE is that?! && Secondly…NOPE, NOPE, NAH! I don’t trust it. Call me paranoid if you want to but I seen that movie and I was too afraid to watch the ending (but I know it ain’t end well for ole girl). How do I know you aren’t leather faces second cousin trying to prove yourself by bringing home some fresh TN meat? As soon as that city name come out yo MOUF I am calling my “Uber Nope” driver and pulling off in your face like.

 

4. Were You Born That Way?

So, this one is mainly for the men. && if this offends anyone I’m sorry but I have to be completely honest. Y’all have it soooooo hard in 2016 because it has become increasingly more difficult to tell who was actually born a woman and who has made a lifestyle change to become one. I can’t even tell anymore! THIS IS NOT A STAB AT ANY TRANSGENDER WOMAN but I told y’all previously that transparency is key and I feel like trickery is wrong on any level. So you swiping through Tinder and you see this girl…Most of y’all would DM her am I right?

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Chingy’s entire career was ruined by this beautiful woman. Who was actually born a MAN. Live your life y’all…if you want to be a woman than be a woman. But don’t get out here fooling unsuspecting men and pressing charges when they decide to square up. Just wrong on so many levels. I seen a FB status from a guy who said from now on he is only dating pregnant women…I hollered from laughing because I couldn’t even be mad at him. If I were a man I’d want to see the birth certificate…baby pictures…senior yearbook photos…SHOW ME THE RECEIPTS!

I am telling y’all…jot down these questions and ask them on your next first date. Get your answers boo! If you have any questions you’ve previously wished you asked on the first date, leave them in the comments section below. If I get enough I will do a part 2 with your ideas!

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STAY.GOLDEN.BOO