4 Things That Bother Men About Women

The phrase “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them” rings true to a lot of things…but is without a doubt the perfect way to describe the dysfunctional function between men and women. In this two part blog we will explore and discuss the things that men dislike about women and next week what women dislike about men. If you are a sensitive woman who takes offense to things easily I am giving you an out right now…stop reading and go on about your day! Because you may not love everything that they had to say…that was your warning…So if you’re a female a && still reading I am going to assume that you’re about THAT life and you’ve mentally prepared yourself for the REALNESS to come.

4 Things That Bother Men About Women

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So yesterday I posted a status on Facebook asking some men the question above. It was not long before hilarity ensued. “The crust on the back of your heel. Can you guys please start sanding that off?!” was my cousin, Jayarr Steiner’s initial response…and I chuckled fervently from a deep place in my stomach. But I was looking for serious answers and boy did I get them…so let’s start with…

It takes y’all too long to get ready/Females who wear too much make-up

I wasn’t surprised in the least to hear this one…mainly because I am the main one to set aside 3 hours to get ready for the nights festivities. In our defense I don’t think it HAS to take this long but when a real ninja is trying to look her best WE TAKE OUR TIME. You can’t just Usain Bolt your way through winged eyeliner…these things require focus and concentration OR you end up looking like Heath Ledger’s version of the Joker. “I woke up like this” is a partial lie…Beyoncé might be beautiful but she did not wake up to a full sew in and a beat face…UNLESS she took a nap after she got it all done.

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So, gentlemen…we hear you and we may try to finish up 10 minutes earlier than normal, just cause it bothers y’all so much…probably not…but we gon’ let y’all have some hope!

Now, TOO much make-up is a different problem all together. This simply means baby girl has either not perfected her craft or that her friends aren’t real enough to tell her she looks more like Homie the Clown than Kim K. LADIES, take notes because according to our men they DO NOT want us out here looking like “A walking cake” or  “A frosted moon pie” (analogies courtesy of @veeverse & @jayarrsteiner)…It should never APPEAR that you are wearing a lot of make-up. Even if you are. The point of makeup is to enhance, not to deceive, or illustrate a completely new face. That’s false advertising and should be grounds for a lawsuit. Plus, your goal for make up should be quality over quantity.

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Whatever…I look good…

 

Social Media Models/Diva Attitude’s

So here’s what gets me…men get agitated by attention seeking females aka “Social Media Models” I get it…but aren’t y’all slick the ones giving them their platform?! Seriously, if y’all weren’t commenting and liking the pictures there would be no reason for them to take 5 in a row and post them all (because we all know if a certain number of likes aren’t reached we deleting it, whether the pic was fire or nah!). Is it possible that y’all can reprimand the parched males on your team before you come for the TALL.GLASSES.OF.WATER on ours? Just a thought…thanks in advance…

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Who got the juice? I got the juice!

Anyways, I am playing devil’s advocate because I can completely see why it bothers a lot of men. Like I said in a previous post…who wants to be with someone who is constantly begging for validation…and allow me to elaborate, so my words aren’t twisted…We all post selfie’s, we all upload lil videos, and pics of ourselves…if you don’t like it unfollow. HOWEVER, it is NOT necessary to post 4 videos of you back to back rubbing your hair and puckering your lips into the camera to the sultry sounds of Hotline Bling…that’s a little too much self love and I think you may have the functions of a camera confused with the mirror. Moral of the story: Men don’t like women who do the most for attention.

Now onto the Diva Attitude’sI have never been the type of girl who has the permanent attitude…and I am not referring to the swag/runway model type of attitude either. I am talking about that stuck up…I know I’m fine…You know I’m fine…Yes, this is  a designer bag…No, I don’t use public restrooms…Yes, I have 8,000 followers on IG…But I only follow 20 people type attitude. && if  you’re that girl please do not take offense…I am merely relaying the data that was collected from our generation of men.

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I think straight out of high school this type of attitude was cute…well, we thought it was cute. A mature man, who knows what he wants, is no longer looking for that cute girl with all that sexy attitude…he is looking for a woman with class && elegance. Someone who carries herself like a queen and can take care of her business…not a socialite with too much time on her hands. As women, in this confused generation of social media we focus too much on outer beauty…which is important, don’t get me wrong…who doesn’t want to look good for her man…but if your attraction stops at your face than baby your shelf life isn’t going to be very extensive.

TALKING or COMPLAING Too Much

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So you’re going to shut up for the rest of the game, right?  High five to that!

I don’t even know where to start with this one lol…because I know I am a repeat offender. Look can we define talking too much? Because idk how to justify our actions here.

This is what I don’t get…God is obviously the G.O.A.T. ( “Greatest Of All Time” for my 40 and up club reading this) and He made us perfectly in his image…but why would He give women the “love of talking” gene…but not feel the need to give men a “love to listen” gene? How did he expect us to live together in harmony?…WHATEVER…he’s got a plan and we have to trust it. Check this out though…we have to put up with y’all’s terrible toilet etiquette (aka peeing on/around it and leaving the seat up) so y’all can put up with a little chat time during HALF TIME!

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Now on the flip side I do understand the complaining thing…Because we can come way left field on this one. We come home from work and you immediately greet us and ask the “How was your day?” question and without notice, warning, or time to prepare yourself…WE GO IN ! “Ughh, awful! Andrea the SCALLYWAG thought she was gonna get smart with me today and pissed me all the way off! Idk why she out here acting foolish like she run meYOU *clap* AIN’T *clap* MY *clap* BOSS *clap* BOO BOO !!!”…and you poor things are sitting there panic stricken with confusion like “Wait…what just happened?!”…and then we proceed to give you a play by play of everything that pissed us off in the 9 hours we were at work that day…

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And on behalf of the female community I take full responsibility for this because at some point we all do it and y’all are the ones who have to put up with it. But the reason is this…our men are our safe place. So when we have a bad day at work we know we can come home, pour a glass of wine, and unload all the frustration, until we feel better. It’s slick unfair, so maybe I can talk to my cyber home girls and see if we can come to an agreement on trying to do better, in this area…don’t hold your breath though. 

She Wants To Act Like A Man But BE Treated Like A LADY

So apparently men don’t like women who act like men. Who-da-thunk? (that was sarcasm btw). This makes perfect sense to me. It’s not the 50’s and I don’t think this statement means women need to be in a little apron, cooking, cleaning, and ironing the day away…I think it means exactly what it says…if you want to be treated like a lady than act like one. Don’t get mad at your man, square up, starting beating on him like you’re a big burly dude, get knocked out, and become hysterical like…

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HE CRAZZZYYYYY!

In order to be treated with respect you need to have respect for others…in order to be treated like a lady you need to act as such. It’s fine to be independent and be proud of the fact that you can do for yourself…but honestly if I was a man out on a date with a woman who is forever letting the world know that men are worthless, she don’t need nobody, and bragging about the amount of coinage in her account…when the check comes and she looking up at me like…

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  • I’m gon’ look right back like…
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Nah, You got it remember?

Seriously…it doesn’t make sense. Then, you have other woman who pride themselves on using men, cheating on men, having a guy catch feelings over them, and then dogging him…and you expect a grown man who has it together to want you? Nope, I’m with the fellas on this one. You reap what you sew…and I suggest that if this id your mindset go get the book “Act Like A Lady. Think Like A Man” by Steve Harvey…because you have the game ALL twisted up.

But there you have it. Some of the top things that men dislike about women…If you are a man comment below and tell me if you agree with this list. If you’re a female comment and let me know how you feel about the opinions listed above…

&& Don’t forget to like, comment, and share with anyone you think can relate to or enjoy this blog…and SUBSCRIBE. SUBSCRIBE. SUBSCRIBE.

STAY.GOLDEN.Y’ALL

Speed Bumps On The Road To Relationship Success

I have been in a relationship for going on four years now and we’ve definitely had our share of ups and downs. Days that were amazing and others where I felt like yelling “This is Sparta!” and kicking his stubborn self down a flight of stairs (&& I am sure he has felt the same way about me). Neither one of us are perfect and we’ve had to work constantly through our issues, together…but the great thing about it is we fuss, we fight, we talk, we learn…and we get through it TOGETHER. I will never pretend to have the knowledge or know how of a couple who has been married since Michael Jackson was black…but to all of my new couples or people looking for the “One” I thought I’d give you some tidbits, I’ve learned since falling in love with my best friend…

Speed Bumps On The Road To Relationship Success

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Communication

I chose to start with this topic because it will trickle into every aspect that we will discuss today. We’ve all seen the movies and TV shows of couples who lack good communication skills. The only difference is in the movies they normally end with the “Happily Ever After” couple walking off screen, hand in hand, to start their forever perfect life together. The reality of this situation is that between 40% to 50% of all REAL LIFE marriages end in divorce…for many reasons. Communication is a big one. But why? I talk, you listen. You talk, I listen. We come to an agreement. Sounds easy enough right? WRONG! One of the things I’ve learned is everyone communicates differently…and until you understand that, you will surely be in for some hard times.

**For example: I am a talker. I talk a lot and I express myself along with my point of view very well. So when me and Chris have a disagreement I am all EMOTION, HAND MOVEMENTS, and EXPLANATIONS…Like…

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So that’s how you feel?

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You just don’t understand me

Don’t judge…I just have a lot of feelings! Most women do. And through all my frustration, anger, and pouring out my heart about that one time “my mom gave away my dog when I was 10 and I just ain’t been right since”…CHRIS is sitting in front of me like…

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Yeah, yeah…I see what you saying

But I’m positive he doesn’t lol. I get it though. Men are taught from a young age to “Be a man” and suppress their feelings. Just so happens that suppressing your feelings doesn’t make for a strong relationship, with any chance at longevity.  Anyway, the gap in communication was so real and it was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me how he felt, about anything. Sound Familiar ladies? But both of our mothers have been such a blessing to us and his mother gave me a piece of advice that I will carry with me for the rest of my life “Every woman has to learn what form of communication works with HER man.” This was true…as positive as I was that HE was the problem (because I had no issues communicating how I felt) I learned that WE were the problem. Simply because we hadn’t learned how to communicate  WELL w/ each other. Now, nearly 4 years in we have a much better hold on how to deal with blocks in communication. We calm ourselves down, rarely ever raise our voices, and agree to disagree sometimes. That’s all fine but you have to learn how to get out of your own way and realize it’s not always about the latter being RIGHT or WRONG…sometimes you’re just different && need to focus less on how you tackle things as an individual and more so on how you will face them TOGETHER as a couple.

Boundaries

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Are you tired of people interfering with your relationship? Annoyed by your girlfriends nosey/single female friend that is always in your business…because she can never seem to find and keep any of her own? Fed up with the thirsty population of social media and their everlasting pursuit to flirt with bae?!

Then BOUNDARIES  might be for you!!

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YES, YOU!!

Boundary – a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

Here’s the thing with boundaries…they’re going to be different with every couple…and  you can save yourself from 101 arguments (at least) by taking time to draw lines between what is “Appropriate” and “Inappropriate” in your relationship. Boundaries will stem from communication (told y’all it was going to trickle down) and unfortunately you cannot expect your counter part to read your mind if you haven’t addressed the lines that should not be crossed…here are a few examples of areas that you might need to place some restrictions on…

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Social Media
  • Phone Privacy/Access

Although we know that family and friends mainly have our best interest at heart, it is important not to allow them to interfere too deeply into your relationship. One thing I feel that we over look a lot is the fact that OUR BUSINESS is just that…OUR BUSINESS. You do not have to answer to or please anyone other than the person that you’ve chosen to spend your life with…so with that being said there are certain lines that have to be drawn, for everyone. && if you notice any inkling that someone in your life has a lack of respect for bae then it is your sole responsibility to either check them or show them the door. IT. IS. THAT. SIMPLE. As far as Social media and phone behaviors go, that should be a no brainer. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So if you don’t want your man sending DM’s to other females asking if they single or your girl taking half naked “thirst trap” pictures for all the cyber world to see…then make sure you’re doing like Mike said and start with the (wo)man in the mirror…or end up looking like…

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As far as phone privacy goes, I think this topic is a bit more couple specific. If y’all like your privacy then fine…If you want to share your passwords that’s cool too. Just do what works best for the two of you and remember that it is important to be on the same page when it comes to boundaries…don’t be somewhere in chapter 3 and bae is left back on page 8.

Jumping The Gun

When you’re in a new relationship and that “New Love Syndrome” kicks in, it is extremely easy to get lost in the moment. You want to talk to them every day, see them every day, && you miss them like crazy when they’re away…

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…and to more seasoned couples it’s all very nauseating lol…but we understand because most of us have been there. Every thing just feels so right…”So why not spend ALL of our time together? Why not move in together? I’ve known him 2 1/2 months and we’re crazy about each other?” You are literally more in love than Mayweather, when he catches a glimpse of himself in a mirror…&& all of FB, Instagram, and Twitter knows it…

THEN…it happens…reality sets in and you start to notice all the little quirks and annoyances that you were too Drunk In Love to pick up on before…he can be super annoying when you’re not in the mood, she is ridiculously clingy, or you realize your goals and life directions are anything but in sync. ALL things you could have noticed if you would just TAKE YOUR TIMEEEE.

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Yeah, didn’t see that coming.

 

One of the biggest issues I feel like we have as a generation is the fear of starting over. I mean, yeah it sucks…you were a year or more in and felt like it was wasted time. Well, do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening in the future. Take it slow, ask the right questions in the beginning (i.e. How many kids do you want? Do you want kids? How do you feel about religion? Marriage?), and allow yourself time to really look at your situation before your heart gets you in over your head. But don’t be afraid to move on with your life…starting over is far better than dooming yourself to spend your life miserable with the WRONG one.

Insecurities

Let’s not pretend like we haven’t all had our share of insecure moments. That’s life…at some point we have all looked in the mirror and felt that in some way we weren’t good enough or negatively compared ourselves to others. Then we go and seek validation from friends, lovers, and even strangers that do nothing for us but hit the “like” button on your latest IG post…short term gratification at its finest. But what’s even worse is when insecurities are carried over into your relationship. Mannnnnnnn…there is nothing worse than someone who is constantly questioning their own worth, value, or is always in need of some form of validation.

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 If you don’t feel that you’re good enough to be with someone who loves and respects you, than how can you expect anyone else to? Here are a few characteristics of an insecure lover…

  • They Smother

  • They accuse of cheating
  • They are Jealous/Possessive
  • They put you down
  • They are Co-Dependent

Misery loves company and an insecure person will constantly try to make you feel like you’re the problem. But if you are showing them love, respect, honesty, and being completely trustworthy then your plus one has no legitimate reason to exhibit any of these behaviors. If you’re in a good relationship and find yourself partaking in the above list of “No No’s” than you need to CHECK YOURSELF. Because as the saying goes “You don’t know what you got ’til it’s gone” and losing someone is pretty easy when you’re constantly reminding bae of why you don’t deserve them. Have confidence in who you are and what you’re worth. And if you have a legitimate reason to feel insecure in your relationship than it’s your job to be expressive about what bothers you…and if they are too prideful to take action and work together to fix the relationship than MOVE ON! Which brings me to the last speed bump on our list…

Pride

Have you ever met a person who can never be wrong? (p.s. I’m guilty as O.J on this one…) Or someone who refuses to apologize even when they know they are at fault?  A wise person (idk who, so don’t ask) once said “After Pride comes the fall“…truer words hath not been spoken…ESPECIALLY…when your relationship is at stake.

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Say You’re SORRY!!

 

When you love someone…not infatuation…but real unconditional love…you have to learn that you cannot always have it your way. There will be times where their needs will supersede your own or when you have to bite the bullet and be the first to apologize even if you feel you were right. In a relationship a woman has to have security. Which means our mans arms need to be a place of comfort and refuge.

FOR INSTANCE:

If a woman has repeatedly explained to her man that a certain situation is bothering her..or she feels uncomfortable with the way an issue is being handled, it is her mans responsibility to make sure she feels heard and reassured. But if he hears her and for selfish reasons refuses to change, he has unconsciously told her that her heart is not secure, in his keeping. 

We need to feel physically and emotionally safe with you and if a man is constantly pushing her feelings to the side and putting his needs (aka pride) before her own, he will lose her respect…which is the one thing that a man absolutely NEEDS in a relationship. He needs to feel like the KING of his domain and that her admiration for him is infinite. A lot of strong woman have a hard time putting their pride to the side and allowing their men to lead…

FOR INSTANCE:

If a woman is constantly putting her man down (whether privately or publicly) and continuously harping on his negatives…INSTEAD of helping to build him up, by focusing on his positives…she is planting seeds of resentment in him, towards her.

Men need to know that their presence in our lives is a necessity and if you’re are a woman who is too proud to admit how much she needs her man OR is always out to prove that she can do it on her own, prepare yourself. Because after a while you will most definitely be doing whatever “IT” is by your very lonesome.

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Pride can without a doubt be one of the more difficult speed bumps to over come…mainly because it deals with self awareness and coming to terms with the fact that you’re not always going to be right and that you can’t always come first. But one of the most amazing things about finding true love is that it changes you…it helps you completely evolve from the man or woman that you were, into the man or woman that you need to be, for that person. It’s amazing to say the least…

As long as you are working daily to achieve better communication, complete understanding of your boundaries, getting a grip on insecurities, checking your pride, and being careful not to move too fast you will be fine. Be attentive in your relationship and don’t fear the hard conversations…because in the end the outcome of hard times is what determines the good times.

🙂 

Be sure to share with anyone that you feel could benefit from this. && Don’t forget to subscribe, like, share, and comment if you have ideas for “Speed bumps” you would like to see me write on in a follow up post.

STAY.GOLDEN.Y’ALL