The Mans Guide to Female thought…

I Love My Man

But there have been many times where I have wanted to strangle him…briefly.

It’s like he knows me so well at times and others we are on totally different pages…in COMPLETELY different books.

I’m sure it’s the same for him though. I am pretty much your typical female when it comes to the basis of our relationship. First off I am always up under him (hugs, kisses, cuddling, hand holding etc.). Secondly, I have a tendency to be a tad bit spoiled at times (which is pretty much 99% his fault) which can lead to brat-e-ness when he tells me no. Thirdly, I get emotional over silly things some times (which I’m positive is annoying). Now being that he has become pretty used to these things it’s probably not that big of a deal but I’m sure after a long day at work it can become a bit bothersome.

The point I am trying to reach is that it is impossible to read each other’s thoughts but I thought I would put together some guidelines for our men to refer to, when you are in a pinch w/ bae.

Think you can pass the test?

Question #1

You come home from a long day of work and your girlfriend/wife is pissed at your interaction with another female on Instagram. To you, it is not a big deal but she seems very upset. Do you…?

had enough

A. Tell her that she is over reacting and that she should get over it.

B. Talk with her about the issue she has and come to an agreement on how to handle this scenario in the future?

C. Assure her that she is right and promise to never talk to another female on social media again?

D. Ignore her and continue playing 2k15?

If you answered A or D you are begging to be single. If you answered C you are a pushover and need to ask Spalding if you can borrow some balls. BUT if you answered B then you my friend are on the track for success.Here’s the deal with us women…we need to know that our feelings and opinions are valued. We hate to be ignored and we will never respect a man that we can completely control. So with that being said communication is key. I agree that we are territorial by nature but we also know when a female is purposely over stepping her bounds…I mean shouldn’t we? Unless you’re dealing with a woman who is psycho possessive you should trust her judgment and show her by listening to her issue/concern and deciding how these situations should be handled in the future.

QUESTION #2

So you and your girl have had a rough weekend. You are arguing constantly and can’t seem to get along. Later, you try to carry on a conversation with her and she is giving you one word answers (whereas in a normal situation you can’t shut her up). You ask her if she is okay and she replies “Yes” with a straight face and annoyed tone. Do you…?

yes

A. Say “Cool!” and continue on with the conversation.

B. Yell “You ain’t got to lie craig!” laugh and walk away.

C. Start begging her to forgive you because you can’t live without her.

D. Let her know you can tell she is upset and whenever she is ready to talk through it you will be here.

First of all if you answered A or B you are super petty and I am not fooling with you today lol if you answered C then you just a soft ashhh dude and you need the type of help that I cannot provide. D was the right answer…so if you are Mr. D then I applaud you…wait…did I just say Mr…Smh, whatever…like I was saying if you answered D that was the correct answer. I am guilty of saying I am fine, when I am not. It’s the brat in us…we want to be acknowledged and sometimes babied…bottom line is we want to know that you care enough to fight for us. But that doesn’t make this the right behavior for these types of situations. So if she feels like being petty then you do not have to press her. By telling her you can clearly see that she is upset and that you are ready to talk it out when she is, YOU have gained control of this situation. You have bounced the ball in her court and now she understands that you care but she can also see that you aren’t a door mat. SWOOOONNN!! What women doesn’t want a man that can show concern and still be in control?! Trick question…we all do because we love that ish!

week-in-review-naya-rivera-gifs-10

QUESTION # 3

Your girlfriend is wearing a hairstyle that you pretty much hate. In your eyes it doesn’t compliment her the way other styles have and you want her to ditch the do. So do you…?

You hate my hair? Um...okay...
You hate my hair? Um…okay…

A. Tell her that she is always beautiful but you like it better when she does her hair like (insert style.)

B. Inform her that hair hat she is rocking today looks ridiculous.

C. Snap a picture for the gram and caption it “Slaw or nah?”.

D. Act like you don’t notice so you don’t hurt her feelings.

The correct answer is A. You never want to lie to us or let us go out looking like “…a mess where heat is applied to it.” But to really understand why A is the proper answer, you must first delve into the world of a woman. If you haven’t already noticed we can be immensely self conscious. We care more about YOUR opinion above anyone else’s. We also seek your approval and want to overall impress our men (unless she has gotten to a point where she is too comfortable and that is a problem in and of itself). Anyway, when you express an extremely negative view on the way we look it creates self esteem hurdles, that you as a man can never understand and we as women have a hard time overcoming. We already live in a society where we are valued by skin tone, physique, and overall appearance. The pressure to look as good as the next female is always on and once you open that door it’s hard to close. Men value their pride…women NEED their self esteem. So to avoid hitting her confidence with a big K.O. every time you dislike her outfit or choice of hair style, know your intent and watch your approach. You could unknowingly push her to question her worth. Yeap! It can be THAT serious.

Question #4

When she says “I don’t care where we eat. You choose.” Does she really mean…

A. I’m not really that hungry anyway.

B. He always chooses the best restaurants.

C. I am in an indecisive mood but I actually do care where we eat and if you choose wrong I WILL be agitated.

D. It really doesn’t matter where we eat because I am too hungry to care.

Welp, if you answered anything but C you are sorely mistaken! We pretty much always have room for food, a man rarely picks the right restaurant, and it ALWAYS matters where we eat. So why do we say we don’t care when we really do?! Yeah…I haven’t figured that one out yet but when I do I’ll let y’all know. I guess it’s because we’re hoping that one day your taste will be as good as ours and you’ll finally decide to choose Zaxby’s over Taco Hell.

Question #5

When your girlfriend says she doesn’t trust another female around you is she saying….?

A. She looks like she is going and I don’t have the extra funds for probation fees.

B. She is clearly in love with you and ain’t fooling nobody.

C. Cut all ties with her before I CUT both of you!

D. You know I trust you but I don’t trust her and would prefer if you limit contact with her.

And the answer is***Drum Rolls*** …ALL OF THE ABOVE…depending on who you’re dating. Here’s the reality of this situation…we are women…women know women…so we know when another woman has her eye on our man. The signs are pretty clear from day one unless home girl is really getting her Halle Berry on and putting in OT to earn her Oscar…”And the sneakiest performance award goes to….!!”

“Yeen slick boo!”

Nah, my girl…we see you! In any case you should never give another female a platform to disrespect your woman. It’s one thing if bae is overly suspicious of ALL women then she may just be super insecure. But if she is pin pointing one shawty who is clearly feeling you and you can’t see it TRUST HER WORD…&& tell ole girl to have a seat _/ in the rejection section! If you feel like there is a mis-understanding then set up a time where all of you can sit down like adults and talk it out. Other, than that put the shoe on the other foot and understand that you know men better than we do and that we should trust your word as well!

Do you think you passed the test? Want to see more post like this? Go HAM in the comments and tell me what you agree/disagree with!

STAY.GOLDEN. BOO

 

 

The Evolution Of Dance…

Dance has an impeccable way of bringing us all together. Whether it’s for a little Electric Slide at your cousins wedding or the Cha Cha slide at the family reunion…it doesn’t matter where you are or who your with…soon as that beat drop you already know you about to glide to the dance floor and get you a piece! Unfortunately, I was born into the generation that would rather fight over a scuff mark on an Air Force 1, than to actually get out on the floor and drop that thun thun dun. Smh…but anyway I thought we would take a look back at the evolution of dance and what it has become today. Join me as we go back…way back…back into time….

The Year is 1983

The Motown 25th Anniversary is in full effect and the Jacksons have just left the stage to let Mike do his solo dolo, cause he was the only reason people still cared about the Jackson 5 and everybody knew it…he takes the stage and musically informs the crowd that Billie Jean is not bae and that Maury assured him he is NOT the father …when suddenly this historical gem was born…

mj moonwalk

Lawd! CLAPS**SCREAMS**CRIES**FAINTS!  Mike hath never failed us with the greatness and it all started here…next thing you know it is a world famous dance craze…everybody was moonwalking, everyone had a sparkly glove, and they were all sliding around on the kitchen floor, slipping on soul glo from their curls! Yas! Get you some….The moonwalk is so popping that we still do it today…Well… some of us are still trying I should say.

bad moonwalk

Fast Forward to 1990

Now being that I was barely one I have no recollection of this time…but anything that involves parachute pants, high top faces, and 90’s hip hop HAS to be a good time. Right? Which brings us to…

NOW STOP! HAMMER TIME!

mc hammer

OH! OH! OH! OH!…OH! OH! OH!

This is one of those songs you bump during a Saturday morning cleaning session. Don’t let me tie some wet rags to my shoes and get it popping across the floor! It’s a wrap for dirt every where! && they def don’t want these problems ’cause You Can’t Touch This!

1990 also gave birth to another African American Dance tradition…back in the days before light skinned vs. dark skinned conflicts split our generation in two, we were all one. United by Hip-hop, house parties, & KID ‘N PLAY!

kid n play

If you are over the age of 18 and have never done the Kid ‘n Play I can honestly say you AIN’T LIVING…first of all I loathe the fact that I will never get to walk into a club and see two dudes battling and then come together and kill this dance in the middle of the floor, like it’s nothing. It’s not fair and I plan on writing an official letter to the Generation X committee to bring this back…can’t we all just get along?  Dang…

Skip to 1994

When you hear the words Cotton Candy & Sweet ‘N LowWhat words automatically come to your mind next?! That’s right… LET ME SEE THAT TOOTSIE ROLL!

janet-jackson-tootsie-roll-o

tootsie-roll-o

tootsie roll

I’m old enough to remember this one and boy does it bring back memories. I remember when my sisters taught me how to Tootsie Roll…couldn’t tell a real ninja NOTHING, especially when I started hittin’ it one leg at a time! It was basically the elder sibling to the Cha Cha slide and every time it comes on (even til this day) I have to obey its every command!

“To the left. To the left!”

to the left

“To the right! To the right!”

to the right

“To the front! To the front!”

to the front

To the back! To the back!”

to the back

Now slidddeeeee…with me to the 21st Century

We skipped a few crazes but that’s okay…anybody remember Chingy?! Nah? Me either ( ._.)…lol no for real. Where did this man go?… Anyway, in middle school he had a song called ” Right thurr” and gave life to the Chicken head.

chicken head

The chicken head was one of those dances that everyone looked good doing…except me -_-! Ugh. It wasn’t until I got older (and actually became somewhat of a good dancer) that I realized something went terribly awry with my chicken head. For some reason my arms weren’t doing the same thing every one else’s were doing…therefore I looked more like I was doing the funky chicken rather than the chicken head.

Moving right along to the infamous dougie!!! Ayee!

dougie

Yeap! This was a good one too…but these ninjas out here started getting carried away *cough cough** JOHN WALL! The first time I seen this I was tickled to death. Not only is he dougie’n his yansh off but he is low key sending out a message to every dougie that ever dougie’d and promising that you ain’t seeing his!

Few years later we did the Stanky leg

stanky leg

And in 2015 we are currently in the year of the Nae Nae.  Which people are currently doing worldwide. Cool. —____—

nae nae

Notice my descriptions get shorter and shorter…well that, my friends, is because our dances have gotten lazier and lazier over time. Started with the moon walk and now we here?? Yeap…I was supposed to be born in 1980. I missed all the fun. Any who…hope you enjoyed this brief trip down memory lane.

See y’all soon! STAY GOLDEN LOVES!!