That Awkward Moment…

We’ve all been there…those uncomfortable moments in life that leave us mortified to begin with and turn into hilarious stories later on. This post is completely dedicated to the most cringe worthy situations that we have all faced or heard and laughed about with a friend…So without further ado…

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN…..

You See Someone You Only Know From Social Media In Real Life

Social media has a way of making this world even smaller than it already is. When you can look at a person you have never met and say “Aye! Is that Candy_GurlMonroe23″ over there at Pretzel Palace?” then we are definitely online far too much. I have actually been at the mall and had a guy I have never seen, in all my days come up to me and say “What up, prettyy_caramel?!”…um, stalk much bruh? Not only do I not know you but you just called me by my instagram name like that’s what I go by on a daily basis. Um, no!…Lol hol’ up…pause…Let me not sit here and front for y’all like I did not feel Queen Bey famous, waving to all my fans like…

Yeah, these ninjas know about ya girl outchea!
Yeah, these ninjas know about ya girl. Heyyyy!

 Anyway…as a female I have started many acquaintance-ships via social media…You see a girl with her hair laid so you put a few heart-eyed emojii’s under her pic **scrolls** see some eyebrows on FLEEK and comment “Yassss, boo!” **scrolls** peep where someone didn’t get a single like and double tap for your good deed of the day. We’ve all done it! But the question is when you are out and about and see @DaBaddest343_ in person what do you do? We have developed some sort of acquaintance-ship through our exchanges, so do I say Hi? Should I act like I didn’t see her and wait for her to acknowledge me? What if I say “Hi” and she acts like she doesn’t know me? (which would be petty and embarrassing then a mug)…In any case, I normally decide to just embrace my inner bougie and act like I never seen her…then it becomes more awkward because she seen me, see her…and she knows, that I know, that she seen me, see her, see me…and we both end up looking like…

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When You Blow Up The Elevator or Public Bathroom

I for one have never done this because…

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Ya’ feel me? But we all know public bathrooms and elevators are the worst place to be when anyone has the runs or the rump roars…first off an elevator is a small moving box, no windows, no means of escape until you get to your desired floor. So if someone decides to turn it into a “passed” gas chamber then you just have to endure (at least until the doors open and you can beeline for the stairs). What makes this situation funny is how everyone in the elevator starts looking around like they’re trying to figure out who it was. Now look!…Somebody in here did it…so at least one person in here needs to stop pretending to be dumbfounded and own up for ruining everyone’s day…AT THE VERY LEAST you owe us that! The guilty person is normally the “over actor” and you know it was them because they are trying so hard to act like the funk blind sided them too…

OMG! Who did this?!?!
OMG! Who did this?!?!

We know it was you!!! But it’s already too late and now we all outchea suffering!

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When You Send The Text To The Wrong Person

Man…this one is bad and we have all done it! The age of the smart phone has made life so much easier…it has also made it increasingly more easy for us to humiliate ourselves. With texting being a normal means of communication there are bound to be a few mishaps here and there…Like when you’re venting to your bestfriend about how you can’t stand your boyfriend/girlfriend so you send them a good long txt talking SUPER reckless, click send, instantly feel a little better because you already know they’re about to hit you with some BOMB advice, and then realize that your friends name is not listed under “Baby”in your phone!! Yup…you just sent your rant on a one way ticket to bae and now they know how you REALLY feel and also that you was too scurred to man up and tell it directly to them. Orrrrrr when you send your parent a txt that was absolutely not meant for them to see. Mannnn…I did that a few times when I was younger and wanted to strap up my roller blades and glide my unfortunate self off of a cliff. The worst part is when you hit send and IMMEDIATELY realize that you royally messed up and can’t stop the message…I have never felt so helpless in all my days…

WHAT IS LIFE?!!!
WHAT…… IS……… LIFE?!!!

When Kids Say The Darndest Things

Kids are honest and normally filter-less until they get to a certain age. We know this because we have either been this child or know this child. Now this can either be very funny or extremely embarrassing. I remember when my niece was small and would say pretty much anything that came to her mind…she’d ask rhetorical questions and want REAL answers. Rewind 9 years…me and my niece were headed to church with a family friend and her mom. I strap up my then 3 year old niece in her car seat next to my friend’s then 2 year old brother. I close the door and go around to the other side to get in. In the amount of time it took me to get to the other side of the car my niece had spoke to everyone in the car, looked over at the two year old and loudly asked him “Why is your moms nose so big?” (who was of course driving the car and could clearly hear every word she said)!! My first reaction was horror and embarrassment…which was quickly followed by violent laughter at the fact that my niece really expected an answer (from the 2 year old) to her question. That whole 30 minute car ride I sat in the back trying my hardest to stifle the laughter…no such luck…

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CherylLaugh

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NO FILTER!!! Kids say what is on their mind and that is that. They aren’t sensitive and they are in no way PC…which my bestie found out last week at the mall with her 6 year old son son. They were meeting a friend of hers in a department store (in the make-up section) that he had never previously met before. As they waited he pointed out several passing women, pointing and saying “Is that her? Is that her? Is that her?”…finally he yells “That is definitely NOT her! That is a MAN with girl hair and drawn on eyebrows!” Yeap, she was horrified…reason #354 that parenting makes you want to cry on a daily basis lol

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When The Halitosis Hit You And You Don’t Know What To Do

Talking is pretty much a normal part of everyone’s day. We talk to the cash register at the gas station. We talk to our co workers at the coffee machine. We also talk to people while pursuing new business ventures. Imagine being in an interview with the manager or HR person. They are dressed nice, hair is neat, and they are wearing a nice smile. NOW imagine they shake your hand and say “GOOD MORNING!” and their breath is so pungent that your eyebrows burst into flames and disintegrate off of your face and into a pile on the floor.Like what can you possibly do besides play off the fact that you are on the verge of passing out and playing dead?! It’s different when it’s family or close friends…with them you just tell them like it is and keep it moving. But when you are in a situation where you must remain professional you kind of have to endure. I have attempted to hold my breath for 3 minutes when a manager at a previous job whispered something in my ear. Had me feeling like

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UGHH! Just awful…lol Anyway…its SUPER Awkward because you know that if they knew they’d be hella embarrassed but you don’t have the heart to say anything…nor the audacity to open your mouth in close proximity to theirs!  Ugghhhh

When You Don’t Know what You’re Doing In The Gym…And It Shows

The gym is basically a normal occurrence in everyone’s life. We all go at least once..though we may not make it a life-style. Getting to the gym is the easy part…it’s when you get there and look at all the new fangled contraptions that you realize you have no idea what you’re doing or where you should start. So you play it off like you’re ABOUT THAT LIFE and everyone around you can tell you aren’t. You grab the closest thing in sight and start going hard to once again remind your fellow gym members that you aren’t new to this…you true to this…YOU LYING!!

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Your form is slaw, you’re breathing hard, and now you have either worn yourself completely out (in three minutes) or hurt yourself all because you were too prideful to ask for help. Smh… Meanwhile, you have entertained the entire gym and allowed everyone to indulge in your awkwardness! Been there, done that!

There you have it! Awkward moments that we can all relate to in some form or fashion.

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Anything you can do I can do better…

The battle of sexes has been raging on for thousands and thousands of years…it has stood the test of time and is showing no signs of slowing down. Men honestly believe they are faster, smarter, and stronger than women…which I can kind of agree with on the faster/stronger part but on the smarter….mmm probably not lol but anyways I thought a good topic for today’s blog would be things men ARE and ARE NOT good at…

Men are NOT Good at Expressing Themselves

Lawd, lawd, lawd…whoever came to this conclusion ain’t never lied! And any woman who has ever been in love knows this to be textbook truth. Personally I am as dramatic and expressive as they come (if you haven’t already guessed that) and it burns me to the core when I have no clue what my significant other is thinking. At any given moment there are 5 ideas, 4 to-do’s, 3 errands,  2 reminders, and a partridge in a pear tree flying through my mind…and from my understanding, men have the unique ability to sit back, relax, and think about nothing!! What?! Nah…someone better teach me that Jedi mind trick because I would love the opportunity to sit and think about nothing (I low key think that’s just a lie they tell us to get us to shut up and stop asking them how they feel). But in any case is it really their fault they don’t express themselves well? From the time they are small they are told not to cry, show weakness, or talk about their emotions (Unless it is anger -_-). So basically man up and shut up! In any case I have come to the tragic conclusion that pulling feelings out of the male species is like pulling a half priced 100% Remy bundle out of a hoodrat’s hands…Meanwhile, men continue to look at us like Kanye when they hear those four dreaded words “We have to talk.”

 Kanye-West-Blank-stare

Men ARE Good at Pest Control

I have a phobia of ALL things creepy crawly! As a matter of fact, we as WOMEN have a phobia of all things creepy crawly. We jump on couches, scream, flail our arms, and act a complete fool when you even mention us and a cockroach in the same sentence! I hate insects so much I even went as far as jumping out of a moving golf cart (back when I was a leasing consultant) after a Kamikaze cicada threatened my life and flew full speed at my head…YES, I was driving it. Yes, there were prospective residents on the cart viewing an apartment. And NO I did not care about their well being…it’s a cold world and sometimes you must look out for numero uno first! But anyways the fact that I have a boyfriend puts him on official pest patrol, day and night! Matter fact if your man don’t kill bugs GET RID OF HIM…cause he has just let you know that it is every man for himself and you may not end up on the winning side!

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Men ARE NOT Good At Facing Rejection

By age 15 most women have been hit on by a dude w/ low self esteem. The exchange of words goes something like this:

Jerk: Dang, baby…you looking good today. Where yo man at?

Woman: **rolls eyes and continues to walk while ignoring the ignorance***

Jerk: Forget you! You ugly anyway…

I’m ugly now? Hol’ up my boy…two and half seconds ago I was “…looking good today” but because I didn’t delude you in your feeble attempt to get my attention I’m unattractive now?! Wowwww! You mad and it is not my fault. Matter fact, you just made yourself look three times worse than when I ignored you. Smh. Oh well…

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Men ARE Good At Making Us Laugh

One of the things I love about my man is his ability to always put a smile on my face. We can be in the middle of a serious conversation and he will quote one of our favorite movies and I will burst into laughter…There is nothing like a man who can make you happy. Then there are the times when you are angry with him and you are dead set on being mad…these are the times where we DON’T…WANT…TO…LAUGH. Like when you unknowingly go to sit on the toilet and he forgot to put the seat back down and you fall in -_- UGH! Then he tries to make a joke that you don’t want to laugh at because you just sat your bare behind in toilet water…but you know it was slick funny and you end up like…

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WHY ARE THEY SO GOOD AT THAT?!

Men ARE NOT Good At Comforting Us

There are very few men who are good at giving comfort. Women are natural comforters…especially to our children. Baby get’s a boo boo…we kiss it. Bae get’s laid off…we encourage. That’s just who we are and what we do. Unfortunately, after all the women and some of the men were created God ran out of the “Comfort” ingredient…and now we’re faced with the awkward situations that happen after we have a moment and they sit there trying to figure out what to day/do like…

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Castiellooksunconfortable

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We understand that they don’t know what to do in these situations but at least they try though…right?

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So there you have it…my list of things that men are and are not good at. Sorry I had to pick on y’all but the women’s list is coming soon…I promise. Let me know if y’all want a part 2!

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Stay golden y’all!