The lies we tell…Pt 1

So I was chatting with a few of my co-workers about the lies, we as women tell ourselves. The list is honestly longer than I24 and could go on for days. But there were a few topics that came up more than once…so I thought why not discuss and shed some truth on the Lies we tell

 Lie #1: “I have no regrets.”

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First of all…there is no way I could have made it through 25 years of life without a single regret. I regret not getting better grades in high school, I regret giving certain clowns from my past the time of day, shoot I regret my eyebrow shape from 2010-2012! Idk what I was thinking or why people were giving me compliments on them but they were on everything but FLEEK. Anyways, I constantly see women posting about having no regrets…wait a minute…you have three different baby daddy’s, no proposals, and you’re on welfare…n you mean to tell me you regret nothing? Uh-huh you may not have any regrets but bet if we three way call your uterus, it might have a few! But at the end of the day there are always things we wish we could have done differently…respecting your past and the trials you’ve overcome does NOT mean that you have no regrets. It simply means you stood in the face of adversity and came out on the winning side…aka fix what needs fixing and change what needs changing. So to all my ladies who looked at their past and decided not to let it determine your future…all I have to say is…Yasss!! You go girl!!!

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Lie #2: “All Men Cheat”

Man, I have such a problem with this statement…not only are you stereotyping every man that walks this planet but you are also undermining the integrity of the men who are actually faithful. If you are a woman who believes this you are more than likely either: In a “situationship” with a poor excuse for a man or have been in a series of unhealthy situationships that have left you bitter and angry at ALL men. Either way you slice it, that statement is false and is just an excuse to stay in your raggedy relationship or to continue dating “boys” who couldn’t define CHIVALRY if someone placed Webster in their hand. As woman we need to empower each other to a certain standard and stop giving these BOYS an excuse or a “pass” to mess up…because “All Men Do It”. Nope! Nope! and Nah! There is a big difference between a MAN and a male who cheats. And one of the key factors is understanding that most men will only do what you allow them to. If he knows he can cheat and get away with it, guess what? He will! If he knows he can talk to other females via social media, guess what else? He will be snap chatting, direct messaging, and kik’n as many “low self-esteemed” chicks as his little Johnson can find. But for woman who hold their man to a certain standard this  scenario is very far and few between. Because she knows what she deserves and won’t hesitate to show him the DOE “aka door” if he can’t get some act right in his system. So if you are dating an unfaithful man kindly pack his bags and say “I can do bad by MYSELF and being single never bothered me anyway!”
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Lie #3 – “I’m going to start that diet on Monday”

I can’t even front like this does not pertain COMPLETELY to my life. There have been so many times that I have had LONG “come to Jesus” meetings about my eating habits and weight. Then, I decide I am going to change my life and do the right thing. I plan out meals, print out exercise plans, and get my Beyoncé play list ready so I can be in the gym like…

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Then comes Monday….I only start diets on Monday because it is completely absurd to try to start anything Tuesday-Sunday. The work week starts on Monday, so that is clearly the day to start things that you don’t want to do. So either Monday never comes or I was lying to myself the whole time knowing good and well I was going to end up on the couch like…

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Anyways, I figured I wasn’t the only one telling themselves lies about dieting, so I had to include it on the list of ways we deceive ourselves. Be on the look out for my future blog on dieting…I’ll probably start writing it on Monday. Lol

So there goes my first edition of “The lies we tell“. There are so many that I figured I better break this up into parts. Please feel free to comment some lies that you would like to see in future posts.

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Friend or Frenemy? Mean Girls In Real Life.

 Got Frenemies?

As women, we are no strangers to the shadiness that makes up 3/4 of the female population. Not that men aren’t shady because we all know dudes will turn on their friends faster than then you can say 2K15…but they could never hold a candle to the immense under handed shade that goes on between us women. If you have ever seen Mean Girls it gives you a good idea of what it’s like to live in “Girl World”. We are so talented that we can insult you, your momma, and several ancestors and will walk away like…

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And you will have no idea she just came for your entire Family tree. That my friends is what this post is about…Our “frenemies” and their many characteristics. So without further ado let’s jump right in…

Side Ways Sally

Sally is the friend that hits you with the side ways compliments…which is a compliment and diss at the same daggone time! Yeap, it’s a thing. She is the sour patch kid of the group and is so gifted that you may not even realize she has been calling you a bald headed scallywag since the third grade. The cool thing about Sally is she has no allegiance. She is an equal opportunist and insults everyone the same. She will say things like “It’s about time you did something to your hair. It looks really good today.”…and midway through your giddy “Thank y-” you realize she just told you your hair ain’t never prospered and you should start doing better on a regular basis. Shawty is amazing at what she does…so much that she can even sneak diss ya momma and leave both of y’all speechless like “Wow, that is a really nice dress Mrs. Jones. I wish I was brave enough to wear white after Labor day. Good for you!” Hol’ up!! Did she just…?…That darn Sally! But Sally really isn’t the worst of the bunch. She is just all for herself and is not afraid to let anyone know it.

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Messy Margaret

Margaret is the friend that stays in the midst of conflict. She lives for drama and is slick the most annoying of the bunch. Have you ever met a girl that conveniently knows everyone’s business and “accidentally” shares info that was supposed to be kept secret? Yeap, that’s ole Messy Marge! She is amazing at making things look like a mistake and will have you convinced that “It slipped”! Bye, Felicia…you are everything but slick! The most bothersome thing about her is that she is usually the scary one of the group and when ish hits the fan she dips out like Usain Bolt, wearing a jet pack. She is probably subtweeting you right now and pretending it’s about someone else. Riddle me this: How do you have a PhD in conflict but you’re afraid of it???! Does that make sense to y’all? Nah? Me neither. But nevertheless she will always be there to air out everyone’s dirty laundry on the low like…

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Back-Stabbing Betty

Betty is the most common frenemy around. Whether you know it or not she has been in your circle more than once. Betty is normally that friend that calls you up and talks bad about Sally and Margaret…then she gets off the phone, has a tall glass of haterade, and calls one of them to gossip about you. Crazy thing about Betty is she actually thinks she is a good friend (most of the time)…her back stabbing stems from her low self esteem and the fact that she will never have nice things because she can’t be trusted. She is normally the most envious of the bunch and wears her insecurities on her sleeve. I used to be cool with a Betty but after I peeped game I told her unfortunate behind to…

SWERVE

SWERVEEEE!

Fickle Fran

Have you ever dealt with a person that only calls or comes around when they need you? Fran is her name and flip flopping is her game. She is not necessarily a frenemy but a bad friend just the same. She is the one who doesn’t answer calls, don’t return texts, and won’t show up unless it’s fitting to her. She looks out for numero uno. ALL THE TIME…and has no remorse about it because she can’t see past herself long enough to realize she is the queen of self love. Fran actually has good intentions…her intentions, however, never turn into action. But know this, if Franny is having man trouble or in need of an ear to listen she will be on your line in a heartbeat. But look on the bright side…she is too focused on herself to even have the time to back stab you. Never-the-less she is not a real friend and needs to be dismissed with a smile and a pair of dueces…

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PEACE!

Home-wrecking Hannah

Hannah is the reason why some of my readers are on probation w/ an assault charge, right now. Whether she is your friend or your mans friend Hannah is a royal beat down waiting to happen.

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This girl has two categories. The first category is your friend who has been silently coveting your man. She is a wolf in sheeps clothing and completely out to get hers (or yours…whatever…you know what I’m trying to say). She will ask about how the relationship is going and give advice here and there…but don’t be fooled! She fully intends to wait on the sidelines for your relationship to die off…so she can be the vulture to swoop and devour the left overs, formerly known as bae. The second category is made up of HIS shysty female friend. She was more than likely friends w/ him before you all became a thing and has been sitting courtside in his life, waiting for him to summon her from the “friend zone” bench she was sat on…(which clearly never happened) but she is hellbent on wiggling her way between y’all. She is caddy and will use every trick in her sneaky arsenal to get him to open his eyes to her. MA’AM, this is not “Love and Basketball” or “Brown Sugar” and you are NOT Sanaa Lathan. LET IT GO! The kicker with this one is that it is YOUR mans responsibility to put home girl on a leash. Not yours…because unfortunately she will never admit her motive and it will make you look jealous and insecure (yeap…stupid…I know). But if you’re in a situation where bae refuses to check her then that is a bigger problem in and of itself. But don’t fret and don’t let Hannah bother you. Just sit back on your throne, laugh, and remember who got the juice like…

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Welp…that’s all of them for now. If reading this has helped you to realize that you have some squares in your circle CUT  your losses and move on. A friend should be

1. Compassionate

2. Dependable

3. Genuine

4. Trustworthy

5. Supportive

6. Caring

…and if they don’t their presence is in no way benefitting you. You do not have to end on bad terms or even tell them that you are distancing yourself (especially if you have told them what bothers you many times before). Just move forward and wait for God to usher the right people into your life.

Thanks for reading 🙂

If you know someone who should read this please share, share, share!

IOr if you read and feel like I left out a frenemy and want me to add it to the list comment on your thoughts and subscribe via email for updates on my latest posts!

Stay Golden loves.

The Many Stages of Situationships

Everyone has that one friend who cannot seem to get her love life together. She’s normally the friend who falls too deep, too fast, and too often…or the friend that is in sweet denial about the daily train wreck she calls a relationship. So before I really get into the actual point I thought it best to introduce our friends and their uniquely unfortunate situations…

Denial

She is the friend that cannot come to grips with the reality that her “situationship” is not the euphoria she has created in her head. She is dead set on being that ride-or-die chick. The Bonnie to a Clyde who more than likely doesn’t even have a car for her to RIDE in. How do you “ride” for a dude who walks every where?! (I need a real answer to that question but we will come back to that). She dates the guy with potential. We all know him. He’s the guy who is actually pretty smart but doesn’t apply it. His issues range from cheating, habitual lying, or he is going through that time in his life where he is “between” jobs and/or cars. HA! It doesn’t matter how much you tell Denial he is not the one she genuinely believes that her love will change him and when it does she is in for a long life of perpetual bliss…

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The Rationalizer

This one is my favorite. The reason I say that is because I am 75% caring and 25% petty…so while I am giving wisdom 3/4’s of the time the other quarter is internally tickled at the way she deludes herself. The Rationalizer is the friend that has 99 excuses and a good man ain’t one! She is different from your girl Denial in the way that she can admit that her man isn’t the pillar of chivalry BUT (and that’s a big but) home girl has a plethora of excuses as to why. The biggest thing that gets me is she can just have finished a rant about him and IMMEDIATELY go back on everything she just said by…You guessed it…making excuses for why he can’t  EVER get his life together….I.E. “I can’t stand him! He is lazy and stays spending our bill money on liquor and going clubbing with his stupid friends…but his grandma did just die three years ago and he is slick going through a really hard time right now.” WAYMENT…how did you just talk yourself in and out of him being worthless in less than 10 seconds? Girlll, bye!!!

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The Social Media Monger

You may not be friends with the Social Media Monger but everybody knows her. She is the girl forever crying for a cyber psychologist to rescue her from relationship purgatory or for a few likes and some sympathy. She hangs out on Facebook, Instagram, and twitter etc. posting pics of lions w/ power couple quotes and cutesy pics of them feeding each other ice cream or whatever…Fast forward two days later she’s undermining any integrity that their relationship held by posting a series of subliminal memes and quote pics that are clearly directed at their latest quarrel. Worst case scenario is following the SUPER Social Media Monger…she is the over achiever of this class and will not hesitate to flood your TL w/ 25 posts that all mean the same thing “I AM DATING A TIRED EXCUSE FOR A MAN”…fast forward Three days later…”Oh, would you look at that, a picture of him proposing at Chik-fil-A.” It’s nerve wracking at best and I end up un following  her wishy washy behind like…”It’s not you….”

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And then we have…

The Scarecrow

The Scarecrow is that friend that is not in a bad relationship but somehow manages to chase good men away.

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This friend is different from all the others because she is genuinely longing for a healthy relationship. The major issue here is that she is so used to dating jerks, that when chivalry arrives in the form of a gentleman the interaction feels unnatural and she retreats faster than Jay-Z about to walk on an elevator with Solange. This can be the most frustrating case because as much as you want to see your friend happy you fear it may never happen…mainly because she can’t let her guard down long enough to allow the RIGHT guy to show her what it is to be treated like a queen. So, of course she goes back to good ole faithful and starts devoting her time and energy to someone who will never be on the level she desires. It’s a really sad cycle and unfortunately really hard to get out of.

The Baby Momma Monster

Y’all I had to take a days break just to come back and deal with this one. There are two phases of the Baby

Momma Monster..

.Baby momma monster

Both Phases are made up of women who normally had a baby with a man, who they were more than likely NEVER in a relationship with. Phase 1: She starts out happy, planning their wedding in her mind, buying him and the baby matching Jay’s, and she will even pay homeboy bills (out of hopes that she can get enlisted in the wifey program)…but as soon as baby girl finds out he ain’t checking for her…Lawd!

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Phase 2: Begins after she has gone certifiably insane and has made the decision that if “I can’t have him, NO ONE WILL!” She is a combination of  Denial, The Rationalizer, & The Social Media Monger. Poor thing did NOT get enough hugs as a child and will devote every fiber of her being to see that baby daddy never lives in peace. This is the friend that you CANNOT help. I repeat…you cannot help this girl! She is too far gone and may end up on an episode of snapped if she doesn’t get help from the Lordt, IMMEDIATELY. This is probably the only “situationship” where I genuinely feel bad for the man. ‘Cause if I were him I would be looking over my shoulder (every where I went), changing my number thrice a week, and going home daily to sit in fetal position, in a corner like…

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Smh…bless him!

And there you have it. I only listed a few of The Many Stages of Situationships but you get the point. We have all either been here or wiped the tears of a friend who has. I am slick a recovering Social Media Monger myself and still have to attend the AA meetings twice a month.

Which one are you?? Do you have a friend that should read this post?!

Like, Comment, Follow, and Share if so.

Until next time…

The beginning…

I have always enjoyed writing…I’m expressive, opinionated, and at times overly emotional. I started this blog because I am at a point in my life where I often wonder where I will go from here. I decided that being idle is no longer an option and that I must put every bit of my talent into something. So here goes…please stop by, laugh with me, cry with me, and join me on this journey. This is only the beginning